Dealing With A Speech Delay

So, the doctor wants to diagnose my son with a speech delay. Just breathe mama. Take a deep breath. Let me not feel the way my mind wants me to feel. Confused, guilty, sad, scared ..

Jaxon is perfect to me. I love every ounce of who he is. But, of course, when someone wants to diagnose your child as "not perfect", it hurts .. It hurts, a lot. Why are you telling me my son isn't perfect? Why?

I knew there was something wrong when it was time for his 15 month appointment. To add to the problem, I waited to make his 15 month appointment. Life ..

Filling out the questionairre in the doctor's office frightened me. He wasn't saying two word sentences. He wasn't saying fifteen plus words. My mother's instinct was right, something was wrong. And to add to the problem at hand, he was going on twenty months. So, how many words should he be saying by now? Should he be making long sentences?

His pedi referred us to get his hearing checked. I guess that is the first step. Well, that trip was anxiety and guilt inducing. But, Jaxon passed with flying colors. I never suspected a hearing problem, so when the doctor told me he was just fine, I felt very confident.

Then he said the one thing that I AM SO TIRED OF PEOPLE SAYING. "He will talk when he's ready." STOP! Stop saying this to me .. Everyone just stop! Don't you get it? He is talking! But, he isn't making out words. It all sounds like a foreign language.

It's not fair. I take on a lot of guilt. What have I done wrong? Do I not engage with him enough? Do I not encourage him enough? I'm the stay at home mom .. He is on my watch all day. So, what is it I'm missing?

I know he's smart. The way he explores life, the way he plays .. He is smart. I can just tell by watching him. He's very much an observer .. Taking in everything he can.

When we go to his two year appointment, we will find out more about what we will do to help Jaxon along with this delay. I'm sure they'll suggest speech therapy. I've been back and forth on whether to try. I'm on track with trying now. If there's something Jaxon needs help in in life, this mommy will get him the help.

Jaxon, you are still perfect to me! I couldn't love you more ..